Book Review: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari
This book was great, but then again, as Aziz Ansari is one of my favorite comedians, I might have bought this book even if it was about something ridiculous. If you’re familiar with his standup or any of his work then while reading through this gem, you’ll hear most of it in his voice(s), tones, etc. If you’re not, then I suggest the audio book because I bet you’ll find it is hilarious and that much more entertaining.
Although written by a comedian, this book is well-researched and serious in its findings. Romance as we know it has changed. The advances in technology, dating apps and websites, different forms of digital texting and messaging mediums have altered the dating scene. Not to mention how societal views on marriage, relationships, dating, monogamy and more have all changed, too.
When I said this book was well-researched, I wasn’t kidding. Sociologists, psychologists and other researchers contributed and were consulted. Focus groups were conducted across the globe (for real) and there was even a long running subreddit where people could contribute their experiences and opinions. Don’t worry, it’s not all social science and research facts and figures (although all the research is cited to back up their claims). There are plenty of hilarious anecdotes, real text messages, personal stories and for the real Aziz fans out there, fret not – there are even a couple of Ja Rule references!
This book was an interesting read for me given my relationship status. I’ve been married to my husband for over seven years and I married in my mid-twenties, which is a bit odd for my generation. My husband and I had both been in other relationships before dating each other and were tired of the games, the lack of honesty about feelings and everything that went with it, plus we really just clicked from the start. I know our relationship isn’t as common as many would hope – I married my best friend and I was fortunate enough to find that person when I was just twenty-three years old (I’m lucky, I know this). This book pointed out that I am likely an outlier in modern romantic society and definitely old school as our relationship developed through phone conversations and not text messages and social media. The mediums in which we meet and connect nowadays have shifted greatly since I dated, less than a decade ago.
I have quite a few single friends and I’ve scrolled through the dating sites and apps with them, read their insane text messages from people and I can tell you, nothing is shocking anymore! After hearing their stories, nothing in this book seemed out of the ordinary to me in that regard (these things aren’t manufactured for comedic value).
The book’s examinations of social media, the ‘phone world’ and how people feel about love and dating in different parts of the world and society is incredibly interesting. It also examines how we break up and what people really want versus what they actually do.
What people look for in a life partner today versus yesterday has shifted. Whether it be for freedom, love, settling, or you actually found your soul mate, it’s interesting to see what was once and is now a priority for those marrying today. Or if people choose to marry at all. Some of the more interesting parts of this book describe how if we choose to marry (and why), we tend to marry later after a period of self-discovery and a search for an ideal mate, our soul mate, rather than someone who seems decent enough.
This book also examines traditional courtship and how people used to meet versus online dating sites like Match.com and Tinder. As a society, we tend to travel more, meet new people and have new experiences rather than staying in the neighbourhoods or towns we grew up in and that causes a shift, too. It also poses the question: Are more options a good thing or a bad thing? I found the analysis of single people today to be quite interesting (and accurate). A lot of today’s North American singles seem to have become flaky or have an over-inflated view of themselves and are always looking for something better to come along because for some reason what’s in front of them might not be perfect. Why settle for great when you could have the best, right? The problem is that no matter what, you could be missing out on something great.
No matter what your romantic status, this book is a really well-written social commentary on modern romance. Let’s remember that it is subtitled ‘an investigation’ and it certainly is that. Times have changed and this book definitely explains how we got here and offers insight to navigating this new world. It is interesting and insightful and definitely worth the read.
